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| Caring for my dad for 14 years has taught me a lot about what I want for my own retirement, including having a healthy body that allows me to do the things I want to do. Courtesy of VaNessa Duplessie. |
In 2011, my 68-year-old father moved in with my family of four. At the time, I knew it would be a big change — but I didn’t realize just how much it would shape my views on aging, retirement, and what it truly means to live in a multigenerational household.
Fourteen years later, at 82, he’s still with us — healthy, thriving, and deeply woven into the fabric of our daily lives. And over those years, I’ve learned more than I ever expected about the challenges and rewards of caring for a parent while raising kids.
Why I Knew My Dad Would Live With Us
I’ve always had a feeling that one day my dad would move in, even though he never really imagined that for himself. When the time came, he was relocating from another state to a place where he had no friends and no familiarity with the area. My family became his lifeline — and while it wasn’t without challenges, I feel grateful that it worked out.
At 68, my father lost his longtime partner. He didn’t have a large retirement fund, and it quickly became clear that living with us made the most sense. We were fortunate to have an in-law unit in our home, giving us all our own space. That physical separation was key — it allowed us to share our lives without feeling crowded.
The Early Years: Independence and Routine
For the first few years, Dad was active and independent. He could drive himself to the grocery store, his activities, and social events. He made friends in our neighborhood, and my friends quickly became his too.
He was "Grampy" to everyone — a beloved presence at dinners, holidays, and neighborhood gatherings. With most of our extended family living far away, having a grandparent close by to watch our children grow up was something truly special.
We had a few health scares along the way, including a skin cancer diagnosis that we successfully addressed. But for the most part, those early years were easy. We had a rhythm that worked.
When His Independence Changed
The biggest shift came when his eyesight worsened due to macular degeneration. At 77, he had to stop driving and give up his car keys — a moment that was hard for both of us.
Losing the ability to drive wasn’t just about transportation. It was about freedom, pride, and the ability to make choices without depending on others. Watching him struggle with that loss taught me something important: even as our bodies age, our minds often still see ourselves as younger, more capable versions of who we once were.
That’s when my role began to change. I started managing his medications, driving him to medical appointments and social activities, and taking over grocery runs. I wasn’t just a daughter anymore — I was a companion, an organizer, and, in many ways, a bridge to the independence he had lost.
What Multigenerational Living Has Taught Me
Despite the challenges, our arrangement has been overwhelmingly positive. My dad is still healthy enough to handle all of his daily living needs — aside from driving — which means my role has been more about support than full-time caregiving.
Over the past 14 years, I’ve learned that retirement planning is about much more than money. Yes, financial security matters, but what matters just as much — maybe even more — is maintaining your health, mobility, and mental sharpness for as long as possible.
This experience has shaped how I want to prepare for my own retirement:
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Prioritize health now — Regular exercise, healthy eating, and preventive care can help preserve independence.
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Maintain social connections — Loneliness is a huge risk as we age, so building and keeping a strong network matters.
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Have a housing plan — Whether it’s downsizing, modifying a home, or considering co-living, think ahead about where and how you’ll live.
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Stay flexible — Life doesn’t always follow the script, so be open to changing your plans when needed.
Looking Ahead to My Own Future
With two college-aged kids, I still have time before I reach retirement age — but I’m thinking about it more than ever. I want to age in a way that doesn’t put unnecessary strain on my children while still allowing me to be present in their lives.
I’ve seen firsthand that multigenerational living can work beautifully when there’s respect, space, and a willingness to adapt. We’ve given my dad a sense of security in his later years, and in return, he’s given us stories, laughter, and a deepened sense of family.
We all live. We all age. But how we prepare for those years makes all the difference. I plan to take the lessons I’ve learned from living with my father — about health, resilience, and the value of connection — into the next few decades of my life. If I can approach aging with the same grace and openness that my dad has, I’ll consider it a success.
