This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Surbhi Madan, 30, a senior software engineer at Google in New York. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Moving to the US for Education
I first came to the US in 2013 to pursue my bachelor’s degree at Brown University. My older brother had moved to the US for his master’s and loved the teaching approach, which inspired me to follow a similar path.
Adjusting to college life was a big cultural shift. I wasn’t prepared for how cold the East Coast winters could be, but I loved the independence that came with living on my own, discovering new hobbies, and meeting people from all over the world.
During those four years, I didn’t think much about my long-term future in the US. My focus was on school and internships. One summer, I interned at Google’s New York office, which eventually led to a full-time job offer before graduation.
Entering the Tech Industry and the H-1B Lottery
After graduation, I applied for Optional Practical Training (OPT), followed by an H-1B visa application. I was extremely fortunate I got picked in the lottery on my first try in 2017.
At the time, the job market felt different. Companies were hiring aggressively and were more open to sponsoring H-1B visas. I know how lucky I was, especially compared to recent graduates today who face a tougher market despite the lottery odds remaining the same.
Building a Career at Google
I’ve now been with Google for eight years, working my way up to become a senior software engineer.
At this stage of my career, I’m thinking about long-term stability and leadership opportunities. I’ve even considered switching careers into teaching, a passion I discovered in college as a teaching assistant and through volunteering for women-in-tech programs.
But under the H-1B, options are limited. The visa ties me to my employer and doesn’t allow for a second career path or side teaching opportunities. My performance at work is the only factor I can truly control everything else, from layoffs to the economy, is outside my hands.
The Psychological Toll of a Temporary Status
Even though I’ve lived in the US for 12 years, I still feel like my life here is temporary. My friends who are US citizens live very differently. They buy apartments, get involved in community projects, or make long-term plans with confidence.
For me, everything comes with hesitation. If I want to volunteer or join local advocacy, I need to check with my immigration lawyer first. Even driving mistakes or tax filing errors make me anxious, because I can’t risk jeopardizing my visa.
I don’t invest in property or make long commitments. When I renew my apartment lease, I always choose a one-year option instead of two, because I never know how long I’ll be allowed to stay.
A Defining Border Control Experience
One moment that really stayed with me happened while returning to the US after international travel. At immigration, a border officer asked me the purpose of my visit. I replied, “I live here.”
His response was blunt: “You don’t live here; you work here.”
That statement hit me hard. He was right. Despite building a life here, my presence is tied only to my job.
Family Planning and the Visa Dilemma
Now that I’m 30, I’ve been considering egg freezing as an option for the future. But even that decision is complicated by my visa status.
I asked myself what would happen if I lost my work authorization but had eggs stored in the US. Would I need to return on a tourist visa just to retrieve them? That thought alone made me question whether the process is worth it.
The uncertainty also weighs on decisions about having children. It’s hard to imagine raising a family while my right to stay in the country depends entirely on my job.
Living With the Uncertainty
Every year, I sit down and have a check-in with myself: reviewing the past, the anxiety about the future, and whether the sacrifices are still worth it.
So far, my answer has always been yes.
On difficult days, I try to focus on what I can control my performance at work, my health, and my personal goals. After eight years in tech, I’ve also been able to build a solid financial cushion, which gives me some peace of mind.
But the truth remains: even after more than a decade, the H-1B visa makes my life in the US feel like it’s built on temporary ground.
