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| As a toddler, my daughter started mimicking some of my hustle culture tendencies. That's when I decided I had to change my priorities. Courtesy of Ann Dunning. |
Years ago, I overheard my toddler say something to her dolls that made my stomach drop.
She told them she couldn’t talk because she was on a work call.
It was an exact echo of what I’d told her, far too often. In that moment, I froze. That tiny voice mimicking mine hit harder than any self-help book or productivity hack ever could. It made me reevaluate everything my schedule, my work habits, and most of all, what kind of success I wanted to model for her.
That day, I decided hustle culture was not something I wanted to pass down.
I Grew Up Believing Hard Work Was Everything
In my Latin household, work was a constant. If you’ve grown up in an immigrant family or are an immigrant yourself you know the mantra: you hustle to survive. There’s even a joke in our community that every immigrant has 12 jobs. It’s not far off.
From a young age, I understood that rest was a luxury reserved for the wealthy. Long hours and multiple jobs weren’t extraordinary they were expected. They were the price of putting food on the table. That mindset became the backbone of my career.
And it served me well, especially in the fast-paced tech and startup world of San Francisco. The environment rewarded endless energy and unwavering ambition hallmarks of the millennial generation and a perfect match for my immigrant work ethic. Whether it was the infamous 996 work schedule or burning the midnight oil for a client pitch, I was all in.
But hustle culture comes with a cost one that sneaks up on you slowly.
When Productivity Turns Toxic
For a long time, I thought my work ethic was simply a strength. But over time, the signs of wear and tear became impossible to ignore. Stomach issues, grinding my teeth in my sleep, irregular cycles, and rising anxiety they were all symptoms I chalked up to stress, but they were really cries for help.
I had fallen into the trap of toxic productivity.
My self-worth became tightly bound to how busy I was. Finishing a big project felt like emotional validation. Keeping my calendar full felt like purpose. I’d internalized the belief that constant output was what made me valuable not just professionally, but as a person.
Even when I had my daughter during the pandemic, the shift in my lifestyle was temporary. Old habits crept back in.
When Work Becomes Your Identity
As a consultant who helps grow tech startups and consumer brands, I run my own business which often means setting my own hours. But the problem is, those hours have no boundaries when you're your own boss. My workdays stretched from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., and my daughter saw all of it.
She saw me glued to my laptop. She heard me say, “Sorry, not now I’m on a call.” And eventually, she started repeating it.
That was the wake-up call I didn’t know I needed.
In a conversation with Dr. Mariel Buqué, a psychologist trained at Columbia University, I learned that hustle culture often masks deeper issues. It can be a corporate badge of honor, sure but it can also be a cover for insecurity, trauma, or exploitation. For people of color and immigrants, hustle can be a survival tool and a way out of social and economic hardship.
But it doesn’t have to be our children’s inheritance.
Rewriting the Narrative for My Daughter
I realized I didn’t want my daughter to grow up believing that burnout is a badge of success. I didn’t want her to think that her worth depends on productivity. I didn’t want her to normalize anxiety, perfectionism, or the glorification of being constantly busy.
So I started to change the way I worked for both of us.
I introduced slower mornings. I drew firmer lines around my work schedule. I reduced the number of clients I took on, even though that came with financial trade-offs. Some hours of the day are now strictly for her no exceptions.
Yes, I recognize that having this flexibility is a privilege. Not every parent can say no to income. But for me, redefining success meant stepping back from the grind and showing my daughter a different way.
She’s 5 now, and I hope her childhood is filled with more play than pressure. I hope she grows up to be passionate about what she does but also knows when to shut her laptop and enjoy dinner with family. I hope she works hard because she loves to, not because she feels like she has to prove her worth.
I'm Still Ambitious Just Not at the Cost of Presence
I still work hard. I still have deadlines. I still love what I do. But now, I know when it’s time to clock out because I’ve got a little one who needs me more than any client ever will.
The hustle helped me build a career. But slowing down is helping me build a life.
