About three years ago, my family made a big decision: we left Southern California, the place where I grew up, for Tennessee. At the time, it seemed like the right move.
California had been good to us — we had friends, a great community, and schools we liked for our kids. But the daily grind started wearing us down. My husband had a long commute into downtown Los Angeles, traffic seemed endless, and the appeal of a slower-paced, lower-cost life grew stronger. Tennessee, where much of my husband’s family lived, seemed like the perfect solution.
On paper, it looked like a smart financial decision. Housing was supposed to be cheaper, gas more affordable, and everyday expenses lower. We pictured more family time, less stress, and extra money in the bank. But once we settled in, we realized the story was far more complicated.
The Housing Market Wasn’t the Bargain We Expected
We assumed buying a home in Tennessee would save us thousands compared to California. Statistically, the average home price in Tennessee is less than half the cost of a California home. But those numbers didn’t reflect the reality of where we wanted to live.
In the greater Nashville area, where jobs and amenities are concentrated, housing prices looked surprisingly similar to what we had left behind. To make the move financially feasible, we ended up buying farther out — about 20 miles north of Nashville near the Kentucky border.
The trade-offs were immediate. Our rural community had fewer shopping options, less entertainment, and longer drives for even the simplest errands. What we thought would be a slower pace of life turned into more hours behind the wheel.
One of the toughest adjustments was school. We wanted our kids in a strong district, but it meant driving through traffic that was nearly as frustrating as California’s. A one-hour commute to drop off my son quickly wore us down. While gas prices were cheaper — around $3 a gallon instead of over $4 — the frequent refills canceled out any savings.
My Husband Took a Pay Cut, and Hidden Costs Added Up
Relocating often comes with salary adjustments, and we weren’t immune. While I was fortunate to keep my remote, part-time job in California and maintain my pay, my husband’s situation was different.
Working in nurse management, he found the compensation in Tennessee lower than in California. Although the state has no income tax, wages haven’t caught up to rising living costs, which left us with less income than expected.
Then came the surprise of everyday expenses. Tennessee is one of the few states that taxes groceries. Between the 4% state tax and local taxes, we pay around 6% on every grocery bill. With fewer shopping choices in our rural area, we don’t have the luxury of bargain-hunting. Each grocery trip felt noticeably more expensive than in California.
Family Ties Didn’t Make Life Easier
A big reason we moved was family. With so many of my husband’s relatives nearby, we thought we’d gain a built-in support system. But “nearby” turned out to mean an hour’s drive or more. After long weeks of commuting and errands, the extra driving to see family often left us drained.
We had pictured weekends filled with casual family get-togethers, but in reality, visits required more planning and effort than we imagined. Instead of bringing us closer, the distance often made us feel more isolated.
Missing What We Had in California
Ironically, it took moving to Tennessee to appreciate just how good we had it back in California. Yes, traffic and costs were frustrating, but we were financially stable, surrounded by friends, and had schools and community connections that gave us a sense of belonging.
In California, daily life was simpler in ways we didn’t recognize at the time. We didn’t have to drive so far for errands. We had a wide network of support close by. Our lives weren’t perfect, but they were fulfilling.
What We’ve Learned
The biggest lesson we’ve taken away is that financial peace isn’t just about numbers. Yes, cost of living matters. But so does fit — the quality of life, community connections, and overall happiness of a place.
Tennessee offered some financial advantages, but the trade-offs in commuting, hidden taxes, and social support weren’t worth it for us. California, for all its costs, had given us a life that felt more complete.
Now, as we consider moving back to the West Coast, we carry with us a new perspective. We’ve learned to value what truly makes life meaningful: connection, community, and balance. No move can solve every problem, but it can remind you of what really matters.
