 |
| My long-term boyfriend and I both chose to live with family so we can save money and travel. Lily Voss |
If you had told me at 18 that I’d be living at home at 29, I probably would’ve blushed with embarrassment. Back then, I pictured my late 20s as a settled chapter — married, maybe raising a baby, and living in a house I owned. That was the image I thought I was supposed to chase. But as my 20s unfolded, that vision felt less like a dream and more like someone else’s checklist.
Instead, I began craving something different: freedom. The freedom to see the world, to experience more than one zip code, and to make choices based on my own priorities — not on societal expectations. In 2022, my boyfriend and I decided to turn that desire into a plan. When the lease on our San Francisco apartment was about to expire, we sat down and faced a hard truth: paying $2,700 a month in rent for a city apartment was eating away at money we could be investing in travel, savings, and our future.
So we made a bold move — literally in opposite directions. I packed my bags and moved in with my mom in North Carolina. He returned to Florida to stay with his family. It meant going long-distance after eight years together, something neither of us took lightly. But we both believed the trade-off could shape the life we wanted.
More Savings, More Flexibility, More Freedom
 |
| I recently went on my first solo trip to Iceland and visited Reynisfjara Beach. Lily Voss |
Moving home wasn’t just a financial decision — it was a personal one. After my dad passed away in 2019, my family became closer than ever. My younger sister also moved back home around the same time I did, and my mom welcomed us both with open arms.
My mom owns her home, so instead of paying rent, I contribute in other ways. I cover bills for electricity, the phone, and home security, making sure I share in the responsibilities of running the household. Even with those expenses, my monthly costs are about one-quarter of what I used to spend in San Francisco. The breathing room this gives me financially has been life-changing.
I’ve been able to grow my investment accounts, build a healthy emergency fund, and take a more intentional approach to money. That cushion proved especially valuable when I was laid off from my public relations job in November. Instead of panicking and grabbing the first job that came my way, I had the space to pivot toward work I was genuinely passionate about.
Travel had always been my passion, so I leaned into it and became a travel advisor, while also taking on freelance projects that excite me. Now, I set my own hours, choose my own clients, and design a work life that supports my love for exploration rather than competing with it.
And the proof is in the passport stamps. In the past year alone, I’ve taken my first solo trip to Iceland, trekked along the Alta Via 1 and 2 trails in the Italian Dolomites, spent a week in Portugal with my siblings, and, as I write this, I’m sipping coffee in a charming café in Annecy, France. These aren’t just vacations — they’re experiences that would have been impossible if we were still splitting San Francisco rent.
Love Across State Lines
 |
| I'm grateful for the extra time I'm able to spend with my family while living at home. Lily Voss |
I won’t sugarcoat it — being in a long-distance relationship after nearly a decade together is hard. We miss the small moments, the spontaneous dinners, the easy comfort of just being in the same space. Communication takes more effort, and we’ve had our share of misunderstandings brought on by distance.
But for now, it’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make. We’ve turned our reunions into adventures, exploring Switzerland, Italy, Spain, Quebec, Vancouver Island, California, Oregon, Washington, and more — often staying in each destination for weeks at a time. It’s a way of building memories and shared experiences, even if our day-to-day lives are spent in separate states.
If we were still anchored to a $2,700 monthly rent payment, those trips would never have made it past the “someday” list.
Reframing What “Living at Home” Means
Living with my mom again has given me something else I treasure: more time with family. In our culture, moving back in with your parents as an adult can carry a cloud of shame. People see it as a step backward, a sign of stalled independence. But I’ve never really subscribed to that view.
To me, the math is simple: you have decades ahead to live on your own, but you only have a limited window to live under the same roof as your parents and siblings. I’ve already lost one parent, so I know firsthand how precious that time can be. Being able to share meals, have late-night talks, and watch my family’s everyday lives up close again feels like a gift, not a setback.
And I recognize the privilege in this arrangement. Not everyone has the option to move home or to do so in a way that is supportive rather than stressful. That’s why I try to be intentional about making the most of it while it lasts.
Building the Life We Want
Our current setup isn’t permanent. At some point, we’ll live together again and create a shared home. But we’re using this season of life to align our finances, grow our savings, and tick off experiences we’ve both dreamed about for years.
It’s not the picture-perfect life I imagined at 18 — it’s better. It’s a life built on choices we’ve made for ourselves, prioritizing freedom, adventure, and financial security over keeping up with anyone else’s timeline.
When I think back on this chapter years from now, I don’t think I’ll remember the distance as much as the adventures it made possible. And that’s a trade I’ll gladly take.
